I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
