I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
