just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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