If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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