im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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