she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
