I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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