i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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