My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
