just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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