True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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