She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
