I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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