Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
