I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
