One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
