I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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