that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
