your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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