Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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