So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
