Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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