Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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