I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
only you would photoshop your dick
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
