yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
