I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
