There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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