I wanna bring you to show and tell
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
