If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
