Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
