Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
