i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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