you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
