At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
