it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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