I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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