I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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