dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
