You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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