Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
