Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
