Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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