ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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