We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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