And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
