hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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