someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
