You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
