You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
