When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
