dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
